Strategies for Healthy Youth

By: Heather Seibel, Bismarck Social Worker

I was recently reading an article called, A Different Approach to High-Risk Youths, from Social Work Today. The article was written by Peter Smyth, MSW, RSW, a Specialist for High Risk Youth Services, Edmonton & Area Child & Family Services, in Canada. The article provided some wonderful, strategies to build strong relationships with the youth we serve.

Many times youth that come into care, have few positive supports in their lives and struggle to make positive relationship connections; especially those they view as in authority. Therefore, it is very difficult as social workers, foster parents, and other helping people to engage with these youth.

Edmonton and Area Child and Family Services in Alberta, Canada, have begun work on developing a program that will better serve high-risk youths. Since 1999, the organization has been developing a practice framework and philosophical approach targeting the most vulnerable youths in the child welfare system. With a focus on building relationships, they are utilizing harm reduction and strength-based/resiliency approaches to work with youth as well as developing partnership with the community to get the most out of the services offered to the youth.  Because so many high risk youth experience trauma at a very young age, which impacts brain development and the child’s ability to form attachments, the focus is on trauma –informed practice.

• Value youth and believe they’re worth the effort. Youths’ voices should be heard, and social workers and all others working with youth must commit to being creative and flexible.

• Be available. People involved in the youth’s life need to be available both physically and emotionally to accommodate high-risk youths when they’re ready to work on improving their situation.

• Go the extra mile. A small thoughtful gesture challenges youths to ask themselves why somebody cares about them and to adjust to this reality.

• Be self-aware. Social workers must know who they are both as people and professionals, especially with respect to their beliefs, values, judgments, and power. This can help social workers to become allies in the lives of high-risk youths. Given their life experiences, these youths typically can easily detect others’ genuineness, truth, and integrity.

• Communicate a consistent message: “I will not give up on you.” High-risk youths constantly have experienced people giving up on them, so they won’t expect the relationship with their social worker or anyone else working to help them to be different.

• Expect to be tested. Given their life experiences, high-risk youths have the right to be skeptical and suspicious. They won’t easily risk being hurt again and will want to know whether the social worker will abandon them or follow through. Social workers must avoid falling into the youths’ beliefs and reinforcing that adults can’t be trusted.

• Explore youths’ motivation to change. Fear of failure and change often can be mistaken as lack of motivation. Labels can contribute to this in the form of learned helplessness. It’s often necessary for social workers to hold these youths’ hands at first and to “check in” to ensure the youths feel safe.

• Be patient. High-risk youths may not know how to develop healthy relationships, so this will take time. Many youths expect to fail and feel unworthy of help.

• Allow trust to evolve naturally. If high-risk youths perceive this is one of the social worker’s goals, they may feel threatened and pull back. Some youths may not develop the capacity to trust while they’re involved with child welfare, so getting to the point where they know their social worker won’t harm them can be significant and allow for progress.

• Create healthy confusion. Social workers should be attuned to the needs of high-risk youths and show that there are people who worry about and care for them. The youths’ view of the world as lonely, frightening, and unsafe can be challenged over time, allowing for deeper conversations regarding relationships.

• Inspire hope. Social workers should celebrate even the smallest successes and allow these youths to define success as experts of their own lives.

• Intentionally interact. Every action and conversation should be carried out in a purposeful, thoughtful, respectful way.

The organization is working towards letting the youth have a voice, letting that voice be heard, allowing youth to be part of the decisions that are impacting their lives, and increasing the face to face interactions in order to develop meaningful relationships.

This article was intriguing, and the strategies listed above sounded so very familiar to the work we do at PATH, Inc.  It was a pleasure to share this information with all of you as a reminder of the good work that all of you do.

National Foster Care Conference

By: Paul and Cara Dyck, PATH Foster Parents

My husband, Paul and I were privileged to have our names drawn as the winners of a trip to the National Foster Care Conference this past June. As newly licensed foster parents, we were thrilled to have this opportunity to immerse ourselves in a time which we hoped would be educational, inspiring and renewing. We were not disappointed!

One of the things that most blessed us was the friendliness of the “veteran” conference attendees. All first time attendees wore a ribbon identifying us as such, and we found ourselves being greeted by a number of individuals who had been foster parents for 30 or more years. We were able to eat meals with a few of these couples, and enjoyed extra time visiting and hearing their stories and learning from them.

Each workshop we attended was helpful. The first workshop was on advocacy for foster youth. We heard painful stories from two foster parents who had both desired to adopt their foster children, and instead saw them sent out of state to relatives who had had no previous connection with them, and in one of the cases not even a biological relative.  These foster parents have used the pain from their experiences to spur them on to fighting for other foster parents, educating foster parents, the courts, and even going to the White House on behalf of foster parents and children who don’t know how much of a voice they have, or how to use it most effectively. For instance, did you know foster parents have the right to be in each and every court hearing that involves their foster children? A lot of people, including judges, don’t yet realize that.

We also attended a workshop on autism taught by a mom who has a son with autism. Her story was both encouraging and helpful. Though her session wasn’t specifically on advocacy, the need for advocating for our special needs children came through strong.

Our next workshop was on the topic of the dangers of online technology. There was much alarming information shared. The speaker talked about how foster youth are a major target of online predators. The internet can be a very dangerous place for any child, but foster children are in particular danger. We were reminded of the upmost importance of taking strong precautions and having clear and safe boundaries for our children and youth. Most kids know more about technology than their parents, so it is essential that adults take the time, maybe even a class or two, to become more “techno-savvy”.

We were also able to take in a very informative workshop on taxes for foster families. We had a lot of our questions answered, and came away with some solid advice for next tax year. One thing we learned is that foster parents can claim their foster children as dependents if they have lived with them for at least six months and one day out of the year. However, if the biological parents file first and claim their children as dependents, the IRS will demand proof from you that the children were actually living in your home the majority of the year, which can be a lengthy process. Another reason to be prompt in filing your income taxes! (Please note PATH strongly recommends a thorough conversation with your personal tax preparer regarding foster youth and the laws and circumstances surrounding income taxes  in these situations)

We are so thankful we had the opportunity to be a part of this conference. We came away with a renewed passion for what we do as foster parents and increased hope we are making a difference that will change children’s lives for the better both today and in their future.

Our Story...

By Jay Janssen, PATH Foster Parent

A little more than five years ago, my wife and I decided to become PATH foster parents. About a year later, Rose decided to stay at home and provide childcare services so our grandchild would have a place to go, and “Kid Station Childcare” was born. Now several years later, both myself and Rose work at home providing childcare services as well as being PATH foster parents.

Daycare and foster care have been a great combination for us; we are able to use childcare training in foster care and vice versa. Each child has been special to us and all are unique. Whether they are a child in foster care or not, they each are in their own stage of development and need to be nurtured to grow. Foster parenting and the training we have received in PATH has given us a greater understanding of child behavior and development, and we apply many of the things we have learned on a daily basis for childcare.

While foster children need us to understand and work with their unique needs, children in daycare all have strengths and weaknesses we work with everyday. As foster parents and childcare providers, we teach, listen, care, play, understand, and we try to touch their lives for a little while and make a difference.

Both foster parenting and childcare can be challenging, and one can wonder why do it. The answer becomes clear when a foster child from years ago stops by and gives you a hug or one of the parents of the kids in daycare pulls you to the side and tells you their child was sick during the night and called out for you. We do it for the kids and we remember when you are doing the right things for the right reasons, one can meet any challenge and make good things happen for others.

Intern to Professional

By Cynthia Moss & Sherry Stark, PATH Workers, Fargo office

The word internship is often followed by the phrase, “What great experience.” The field of social work is a constantly changing field and the experience of an internship is irreplaceable.  The following are the reflections and experiences of two PATH employees who began their recent journey at PATH as interns.      

My internship at PATH served as an excellent gateway in to the dynamic web of the child welfare system. My eyes were open to the intricate and crucial role PATH plays in the that system. I interned with PATH’s Family Support program.  If I could describe the Family Support program, in one word it would be transforming.  Not only did the program transform my competence and confidence, but I came at time when the program its self was changing. I had the opportunity to learn right alongside my supervisor about the new policy and procedures that were a result of changes made by Blue Cross Blue Shield. I also appreciated the way the program transformed the lives of the individuals it served.   

I hit the ground running my first day as an intern.  To keep up with the fast pace nature of the Family Support program I learned on the go.  As my internship progressed, my professional writing skills improved as well as my ability to navigate PATH as an agency.  

During my internship I grew to value and believe in the PATH mission statement, Families Making the Difference. My identity as a PATH intern and appreciation for PATH’s mission lead me to seek employment within the agency.  I am now in a Treatment Foster Care position and enjoying the challenge.  My beginning at PATH allowed for an easier transition to the program and its complexities. 

In hind sight I like to view my internship as a positive collaboration between myself and PATH. Not only was I able to contribute to PATH and its mission but I was allowed  to learn valuable skills and lessons that opened the gate to the world of child welfare and all it has to offer.

         -Cynthia Moss

When beginning my internship at PATH, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself in to. These constant scared, unsure feelings continued well into the first few weeks of my experience. My internship was with the FIRST program at PATH.   Luckily for me, I had amazing supervisors who were not afraid to throw me into a situation, much like a pack of wolves. They were willing to lend a helping hand if needed.  In the end, I was not only able to develop the social work skills such as: professional writing, intervention strategies, confrontational skills, etc., but I was also able to understand the real impact that the profession has on society.  

The FIRST program helped me become aware of the negative and positive impacts the foster care system has on families.  I was able to interact and see the dynamics of the youth, biological parents, and foster parent relationships. From there I was able to carry over this incredible experience and awareness to gain employment at PATH.  

Now in Family Support, I work towards preventing youth to be placed out of the home. With this position comes many challenges, but more often than not, these challenges are greatly outweighed by the positive aspects.  

My transition from student to professional was made significantly easier through my internship experience at PATH.  The advice I would offer upcoming social work interns at any agency:  brace yourself – those unsure, scared feelings are never going to completely go away.  As social workers, we are never going to have the perfect, right answer to the many questions thrown our way, but the rewarding feeling in the end is truly gratifying.  

                                      -Sherry Stark

ND Foster Parents of the Year

On October 4, 2013, Jim and Shirley Hooge were recognized at the North Dakota Foster & Adoptive Parent Conference as the 2013 ND Foster Parents of the Year.  Jim and Shirley have been foster parents for well over 20 years.  They were initially licensed as county foster parents with Cavalier County Social Services and in 1994 they transitioned to becoming therapeutic foster parents through PATH.  They have served well over 50 children in their home over the years; both in long term and short term foster care placements.

Jim and Shirley were nominated for this award by fellow foster parents with full support of this nomination by their local PATH social workers.  They have been described as understanding, supportive and nonjudgmental people to the children they serve as well as to the biological and foster families they mentor. They work well with the agencies, therapists, school personal, and other partnering agencies that are involved with the many children who have been placed in their home. 

Several years ago they transitioned into providing PATH Transition and Assessment Programming (TAP) services in the Lake Region area.  They provide a structured home that allows children to explore the boundaries and the consequences that are set while living in a safe and nurturing environment.   The TAP services they provide are well sought after and the PATH NE Regional Supervisor receives many calls from other regions requesting utilization of their home.  This is because of the reputation the Hooge’s have built for providing such high quality services to children and families.  

Jim and Shirley live and farm in the Munich area and are the proud parents of five children.  Shirley is also a registered nurse and is employed by a local nursing facility.  Jim is a member of the EMS in the Munich area.  Both Jim and Shirley have been active in the North Dakota Foster Adoptive Parent Association for several years, with Jim holding various offices within that organization, including his current role as President.  Shirley is currently a PATH regional representative for her foster parent unit and Jim has been active on the PATH Board over the years.

The Hooge’s are truly an inspiration for the children and families in need of care.  They have a heart of gold and are willing to go the extra mile when it comes to servicing children.  As both foster and adoptive parents, they have gained a wealth of knowledge to support families in need.

What APPs Are “New” in Social Media?

By: Eryn Jager

One of the most fun and exciting things about the internet and social media is how it is constantly evolving. The ability to communicate with others anywhere in the world at any time is limitless! Ways to communicate and also transfer knowledge and information is constantly upgrading, moving from one app to a brand new app in just days and sometimes even hours! This fast-paced growth of communication can seem mind-boggling and with the majority of youth using electronic methods of communication, knowing what the current trends are can be helpful for parents. While Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest are apps you may be familiar with, below are brief descriptions of some of the other more popular social media apps many teens are using now you may not have heard of.

VINE

This app is similar to Snapchat (talked about in a previous article). It allows a person to post six second videos on anything, which tends to be shared via Facebook and Twitter. This app has a 17+ age rating on here, so use with discretion, according to those who have rated this app. While you can block who has access to your videos, it requires constant upkeep to make sure privacy settings are up to date.

KIK

This may be one of the sillier and more fun-based apps you will not have to worry about. KIK is a smartphone messenger system which allows people to search and send videos and images in the place of text. Basically, if your children look up captioned pictures or funny videos on YouTube, they can send them to friends but are unable to create their own videos through this app. The risk of danger and worry is quite low.

PHEED

This is quite the interesting app and is used almost exclusively by teens. This app allows people to share digital content either publicly or privately. Each person who uses this app to record his or her self has their own channel and can even go so far as to charge for others to have access to this channel. Think YouTube on steroids, because people are able to record themselves doing and saying whatever they may like, and can also have the ability to “live stream” every moment of his or her life if the person should choose to do so. Many possibilities for danger with this app, definitely use with caution or not at all.

Meet the Kaehler Family

Written by: Kelsey Remmel and Jill Grotluschen, Social Workers, Fargo

I would like to introduce Jason and Amy Kaehler. Jason and Amy have been licensed with PATH since May 2013 through the Fargo office.

They have been married for eight and a half years. Jason is from Dawson, MN and Amy is originally from Milwaukee, WI. Jason works as an engineer for the railroad in Wahpeton, ND, which is what brought the Kaehlers to Fairmount, ND. He enjoys sports, fishing, hunting, gardening, and the outdoors. Amy works as a job coach for the DAC in Wahpeton, ND. She enjoys reading, cooking, cleaning, and being a mom. Jason has a 12 year old daughter, Mykaela, and together they have a two year old daughter, Natalya. As a family, they enjoy going to zoos, hiking, fishing, and going to parks.

Jason and Amy have discussed foster care and adoption for years. They both want a large family; however, it was not in the cards because of fertility issues. When they were blessed with their daughter, Natalya, they decided to focus on foster care and adoption for the future. From the beginning of their time with PATH, Jason and Amy have wanted to take sibling groups. Their reasoning has always been that they could not stand to think of siblings being separated when they have the space and love to give to large sibling groups.

As many of us know, working in this field as a foster parent or social worker can be a whirlwind of experiences, from placements to new behaviors to watching youth develop and grow into successful individuals. To say Jason and Amy understand the whirlwind of being a foster parent would be in understatement. Jason and Amy were ready to jump in and take their first placement the day their license was issued. Little did they know they would receive a call one day, inquiring if they would take a sibling group of four, all TFC level, that very day. Being the wonderful, generous, and loving people they are, they jumped right in and said “Yes! As long as we have the room.” Only minutes later, we received a text from Jason that he had measured the bedrooms and they could fit four beds in the rooms according to licensing standards. Jason and Amy waited eagerly by the phone to hear if the variance would be passed and if they would be taking their first placement that afternoon. 

It has been quite the learning experience for everyone involved, but Jason and Amy continue to do wonderfully with this sibling group. When asked what has been their best experience with foster care thus far, they report that it is having all the kids in their home bringing all this love into their household. They feel they have learned so much about themselves in the process and are becoming better parents overall. According to Jason and Amy the hardest/worst part is trying to find a balance between focusing on the kids, time to still be a couple, and time for themselves. Mykaela and Natalya love having foster youth in their home. Mykaela has been very humbled by the situation as she has realized how lucky she truly is. Natyla loves having “live in” friends.

Jason and Amy have done a wonderful job of taking their first sibling group of four sisters into their home. And although it has not always been an easy adjustment, they manage to focus on the positives and encourage the foster children, and their own girls, to their fullest potential. We want to thank Jason and Amy for everything they do as foster parents.

Everyone is a teacher

By: Joan Allen, LICSW

If you have raised children who were successful in school, they no doubt started school like most children in kindergarten or first grade as eager learners. At some point in their academic careers, they realized the importance of an education or knew school was where their friends were. This bought into the idea that school provided some chance of social or academic success.

Unfortunately, that has not always been true with children coming from the foster care system. Many of foster children have experienced very little success in school either academically or socially.  To survive and protect themselves from feelings of failure they begin to disengage academically and cease to care about grades. For social recognition many begin to act out.  Brain research on the effect of trauma on brain development has shown that to learn you need to feel safe, psychologically as well as physically. Traumatic events can impact the brain so that it is difficult to self regulate and concentrate, which makes learning difficult and increases acting out behaviors.   Many children have gaps in their learning due to many reasons: the stress and anxiety of trying to cope with a family in chaos, excessive absences with homework that never gets done or made up, coming to school tired, hungry, and academically unprepared and the constant fear of failure and social rejection. 

There is hope for every child; it takes a positive attitude, enthusiasm, humor, good will, perseverance and faith that your child will succeed despite his/her best efforts to derail you.

You are the key to their success - it all begins with your relationship with your child. A caring involved adult willing to spend individual time with a child is the single most important factor in healing from trauma and promoting a child’s cognitive development. Build yourself into their world as someone they want to be with. Someone who accepts them for who they are and makes them feel good about where they are headed. Doing homework together provides an excellent opportunity to nurture your relationship.  The value you place on learning will become apparent.   By your example they can experience your love of learning that the world is a fascinating place and together the two of you can make sense of it. You are the one helping them to connect the dots, tying new information to old, relating it to their world so that those connections are locked into their brains, filling in the gaps. Enriching upon what they are learning in the classroom so that they have a sense of mastery and feel they have something to contribute to the class discussion.  Homework is not quite so daunting if you have someone to do it with you. We all want independent learners but that is down the road for many of foster/adopt children.  We need to get children to the starting line first, to change their attitude about school, even if it means we sit with them night after night, reading the lessons together, discussing, reviewing, and paraphrasing.   Success builds on success until they can finally develop academic confidence and start to see themselves differently, that they are smart and capable.

Avoid power struggles at all costs - Everyone loses in a power struggle and the major loss is to your relationship with your child.  A handy reminder is to start sentences with an “I statement” as opposed to a “You statement”. Some children are very skilled at engaging adults in power struggles. Many have felt utterly powerless in abusive circumstances however these are not healthy ways for them solve problems or regain power.  Stay friendly but firm on your bottom line. “I am sorry this is the choice you are making because it is also choosing this consequence.  I will give you five minutes to rethink what choice is really best for you and to let me know what you have decided.  Go with their choice if it involves a consequence that is their choice.

Structure the environment. “In our house the TV goes off at seven o’clock and we sit around the kitchen table and do homework, let’s do it together so it will go faster and you can then get back to your game, TV show or whatever it may be.

Have reasonable expectations. Learning takes place every waking moment but homework time needs to be limited if they are giving an honest effort. The recommendation is usually 10 minutes of homework per grade level.  Know that for some children are not going learn at the same rate of other children. It may take many repetitions to lock in the information.  You may have to present the same information in several different ways.  You can always have them explain it to you or to another member of the family when you think they have finally gotten it. It gives them a sense of mastery to be able to teach something they know to someone else.

Stay in close contact with the school. Most teachers have email and most schools have grades on power school that you have access to. Always remember you have a common goal, which is the success of your child. They have your child for six to seven hours a day so they have a very vested interest that your child succeeds. When things are going well for him/her, the entire class is impacted positively and unfortunately the reverse is also true. Find out what you can do at home to reinforce what they are working on at school. It is also a good opportunity to have that exchange with the teacher as to how your child’s special needs or adoption issues may play out in the classroom so together you can plan for your child’s classroom success.

Nurture friendships with classmates outside of school. Invite a friend to go along on a family activity or over to the house to play. It will strengthen your child’s social connections.  Children feel very vulnerable socially and place more importance on their social lives in school than on academics. Sports or activities outside of school are another way your child can feel connected. Music lessons, dance classes, horseback riding, running or sports all provide repetitive/rhyme activities that are healing to the traumatized brain as well excellent avenues for social skill development.  You will need to commit time and resources but the benefits to your child could be tremendous.

Help your child understand how the social world works. Children may not have had the social skills training that other children have been exposed to along their life’s journey.  They may not pick up on social cues and not understand why their behavior is causing a problem. The give and take of social relationships and cause and effect may be very confusing to them and may need to be clarified in the moment.  “I feel that you are not listening when you talk at the same time I am talking. I am going to listen to you without talking and then I would like you to look me in the eye without talking so I know you are listening, thank you.” Some of our kids need to play catch up when it comes to manners and common courtesy; they can be years behind their peers when it comes to social development.

Send them off to school rested, organized for the day and with a smile. Every day is a fresh start and they are never defined by their mistakes. It is how they learn and they are so fortunate to have finally found someone who will be there for them for their successes as well as their mistakes because we all make them.

Never give up - If one approach doesn’t work try another, just remember, always kind and caring!  You are human so if you are not feeling kind and caring at the moment take a deep breath and a break and bring in your reserves.  If they are not available just take a break, give yourself the time you need to regroup.  Be good to yourself, you are going to need a good support system. You are the therapist, teacher and parent all rolled into one. It is not an easy job and not for the faint of heart, it can bring out the best in you and also the worst. It is best to be prepared for those tough times.

It may have been a long time since you were in school and the math has all changed along with everything else.   If you don’t know something, look it up. It is also a good resource for children. The Khan Academy provides free on line tutoring.  There are thousands short clips on very subject at every level. Check it out. Khanacademy.org you will be amazed.

Know that you are changing the world one child at a time. It is because of you, your child can now start to develop an image of themselves as capable and fun to be with, as someone able to experience the joy of learning that never stops and the confidence and knowledge that this world is a friendly, fascinating place.

Telling Tall Tales: Reasons for Lying

Written by Eryn Jager

While I generally discuss topics relating to social media, I received an intriguing email with the question “how do you deal with a child who lies?” Due to much concern and questions by foster parents relating to this topic, I felt this was necessary and important to cover. While I am by no means a therapist, after much time spent reading various child psychology articles and child behavior forums I found the general consensus for children lying (and even adults) was reasons related to fear, habit, negative anticipation, watching parental figures lie, and attention seeking.

The question still remains. How do you deal with a child who lies? Many specialists discuss the importance of the consequences of lying, but highly suggest refraining from the use of punishment. In other words, let your child have the safety net to make their mistakes now, but show and teach your child through examples there are, in fact, real-life consequences to lying. What happens when people lie in court? What happens when you get caught taking money from others, but do not deliver a product? How does this affect others around you? The use of media examples and even children’s videos which tell tales of life lessons are helpful when trying to teach children the effect lying has on his or herself and others.

If a child is lying out of fear, habit, anticipation of a negative response, or because they are in need of attention, professionals continue to reiterate the “no punishment” rule. By becoming angry with or demeaning the child, sending him or her to a time-out, or whatever else you may use as a punishment, you unintentionally reinforcing the original reason why the child was lying to begin with! Hence, the child will feel more obligated to work on his or her lying skills. Having clear-cut expectations of the behavior and a consequence tied to the desired behavior for not complying has been found to be very helpful in teaching children the importance of truth-telling. Following your own expectations and consequences may also help for children who have learned to lie from watching their own parents.

While everyone has to learn the lessons that come with lying, it is important to create a consistent and predictable environment for the child you care for. Follow through with what you have established as expectations and consequences for telling tall tales. While there is always room for exceptions and compromise depending on what may be going on in your household (e.g., school related events that run late), if the general rule is homework must be finished before play time, but the child has inevitably fibbed about completing his or her homework. Play time the next day is then skipped, but will be resumed the following day. Overall, helping make connections to the real world through examples and being consistent with expectations and consequences will provide children with the knowledge and skill set needed.

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